Two weeks

Well I never really continued my last post. I haven't really had much time to do so lately. Finding time with two hands where I am not completely exhausted is rather difficult. I have so much to get off my chest. I am feeling rather lonely right now. I have Jason, and believe me, I am very grateful to have such a supportive husband, but I feel so alone outside of him. I spend all day in this barn, mostly in the living room, except at night. Nights are by FAR the worst. I hate nights. When the sun goes down I actually get nervous. I get nervous that I will get no sleep, that I will be too drowsy to hear Henry cry, that I will finally get to sleep and he will start crying. He loves to take naps right before bed time so he doesn't like to go straight down to sleep. I hate waking up at 4am to pump if he HAS fallen asleep. Mostly because he will invariably wake up in the middle of my pumping and start crying. He will fuss until he gets food and then be awake. For hours. I dread he will get hungry again. I cannot feed him upstairs, not breastfeeding. I can pump and give him a bottle, but our set up is for downstairs. I am too large up top to feed in bed. There isn't enough support in the bed to let me feed while sitting in bed.

Also, I feel completely abandoned by my group of friends. For the most part, none have kids, very few are married, and none are interested in kids. None of them have called me since I gave birth. None have even left ONE single comment on a single picture on facebook. No one replies to my tweets. They respond to each other, but not me. I got a few text messages the day I gave birth, but I got about 60-70 messages that day. There was no way at the time I could respond to them all then they started getting deleted. I dunno if they are offended because I didn't have time to do so on the day I gave birth or not, either way I feel like it is time to step back. If they want to continue their friendships with me, they're going to have to make the effort. If not, I just need to make new friends.

I want to post about Henry, I really do, but I am so down right now I don't think I can. Baby blues I guess....